I hate birthday people. The Insta-story reposters and 3-day-birthday-weekenders who go out of their way to make sure that everyone knows that they’re still alive. God-forbid they realize that most of us don’t care. I know I sound like a curmudgeon, the Scrooge of birthdays, running around and ruining everyone’s joy even though it costs me nothing to allow them to have it. But, to be clear, it’s not that I don’t want people to do what makes them happy. I just don’t like being expected to change my behavior to make up for whatever it is that they lack.