Last year, in the middle of the pandemic, I appeared as a dating show guest on a now-defunct streaming service.With cameras rolling, I sat on a teal couch next to a dating influencer named Megan, a woman so TV-Pretty that when people look at her they probably feel themselves lost in her eyes, which means that when I look at her, I feel myself lost in shame.
I did basically the same thing you did when I was dating, had code names for every guy, evaluated every person, put them all on a spreadsheet. To me, it's the most methodical and logical way to make the correct decision on a largely irreversible life choice. People will say you can always get divorced, but being divorced is not the same thing as never having been married. There is cost opportunity there. Good luck! I am more convinced that this is how you make stable partnerships, not just go purely by chemistry etc. True, you may miss one, but you're ok making a type II error, you only need one good match. A type I error is much more costly.
BTW, this was confirmed to me by philosopher Alain De Botton at the School of Life. There is value in understanding your own self and what you want, and who fits and doesn't fit your life and being decisive about that.
OMG I have a friend who used a similar system before with Excel! As someone who has ended up with disaster relationships, I think this is a good method to go:) Thank you for sharing your wits and humor and hope to read more of your articles:)
Great article, your program needs to be available for purchase btw. 10th trait, does this person challenge me to grow? That’s what was missing, perfection is overrated.
Is there a straight guy out there like you? *sigh* LOL
I read your NYT piece. And I am intrigued why you chose the eight traits as the indicator of your perfect match. I would really love to read an article on that one! Great writing!
Love your Modern Love story. Let you be you. I am also a list maker, married twenty one happy years to a great man who ticked my boxes and appreciated my zeal for lists! (Can’t help on the Brita pitcher though. Fate, or that didn’t make my list?)
Hi Alex - First, bravo to you for developing a dating strategy that affirms who you are and what you seek! Second - I'm here to tell you I did something very, very similar and I am IMMENSELY happy with my husband. Proof - we've quarantined with so much gratitude that we found each other (yeah, we're the sort that make people roll their eyes with our dorky admiration for each other.) Third - if it's possible to link something here, I was interviewed by Lucia Knight who owns Midlife Unstuck in the UK about my dating journey and it's struck a chord - much like your piece in the New York Times. So - bravo to all of us who take the reins with no apology! Wishing you the best possible rewards as you stay the course, my like-minded new friend! https://www.midlifeunstuck.com/new-blog-1/2021/3/13/if-you-can-design-your-second-husband-you-can-design-your-second-career
As an avid reader of the wondrous study resuts of Roland Griffiths et al at Hopkins, and the researchers at other institutions similarly studying the breadth of psychedelic medical applications, I wondered which setting(s) (recreational vs clinical vs... accidental? 😅) you'd tried psilocybin in. I have zero personal experience with psychedelics but from everything I've read, psychedelic psychotherapy sounds like just what the doctor ordered for yours truly.
I did basically the same thing you did when I was dating, had code names for every guy, evaluated every person, put them all on a spreadsheet. To me, it's the most methodical and logical way to make the correct decision on a largely irreversible life choice. People will say you can always get divorced, but being divorced is not the same thing as never having been married. There is cost opportunity there. Good luck! I am more convinced that this is how you make stable partnerships, not just go purely by chemistry etc. True, you may miss one, but you're ok making a type II error, you only need one good match. A type I error is much more costly.
BTW, this was confirmed to me by philosopher Alain De Botton at the School of Life. There is value in understanding your own self and what you want, and who fits and doesn't fit your life and being decisive about that.
Great piece on dating; also really enjoyed the one above. Fits with my voice this morning - hope to read more!
You're funny, keep writing.
OMG I have a friend who used a similar system before with Excel! As someone who has ended up with disaster relationships, I think this is a good method to go:) Thank you for sharing your wits and humor and hope to read more of your articles:)
Loved your article! We need an app for that. Trello meets Tinder...
Great article, your program needs to be available for purchase btw. 10th trait, does this person challenge me to grow? That’s what was missing, perfection is overrated.
Is there a straight guy out there like you? *sigh* LOL
Funny and uplifting...err...hopeful? NYT piece. From one neurotic to another.
I read your NYT piece. And I am intrigued why you chose the eight traits as the indicator of your perfect match. I would really love to read an article on that one! Great writing!
i loved it! 100pts
Love your Modern Love story. Let you be you. I am also a list maker, married twenty one happy years to a great man who ticked my boxes and appreciated my zeal for lists! (Can’t help on the Brita pitcher though. Fate, or that didn’t make my list?)
Loved your NYT piece, read your intro bio... and I love that even more.
Yes ! would love. to see your values on the Trello board.
"Consensually gaslit"!-- no kidding! Thank you for finding me. I will be reading you.
Hi Alex - First, bravo to you for developing a dating strategy that affirms who you are and what you seek! Second - I'm here to tell you I did something very, very similar and I am IMMENSELY happy with my husband. Proof - we've quarantined with so much gratitude that we found each other (yeah, we're the sort that make people roll their eyes with our dorky admiration for each other.) Third - if it's possible to link something here, I was interviewed by Lucia Knight who owns Midlife Unstuck in the UK about my dating journey and it's struck a chord - much like your piece in the New York Times. So - bravo to all of us who take the reins with no apology! Wishing you the best possible rewards as you stay the course, my like-minded new friend! https://www.midlifeunstuck.com/new-blog-1/2021/3/13/if-you-can-design-your-second-husband-you-can-design-your-second-career
Hi Alex!
Your article reminds me of a Ted Talk from 2013 with Amy Webb: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wG_sAdP0U
As an avid reader of the wondrous study resuts of Roland Griffiths et al at Hopkins, and the researchers at other institutions similarly studying the breadth of psychedelic medical applications, I wondered which setting(s) (recreational vs clinical vs... accidental? 😅) you'd tried psilocybin in. I have zero personal experience with psychedelics but from everything I've read, psychedelic psychotherapy sounds like just what the doctor ordered for yours truly.