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“No one looked at me today when I walked home from work,” he said to her. And he’s handsome. But he has wrinkles and his hair has greyed.
And I get it. Because Todd took pictures of me last weekend. Pictures of a man I almost recognized — with a creased neck and a hairline that once was.
And I think back to 2 months ago.
At Bar Palma. And how many more times than usual I smiled at strangers as if to ask them if I still had it, and how many more times than usual their eyes jumped away as if to tell me that I did not.
I think about having kids.
And what that would be like.
And what it would do to my mediocre career of Almosts. Swings untaken. Or taken and missed. And I think what I’d need to happen for me to be proud. And how I don’t know what that would be.
I see how they’re tired. My friends who are parents. And how they’re grateful. Or maybe distracted. As if having a family hedges against failing to figure out who you are.
And I fear what I’ll have to show.
If I stay both unknowing and also without.
And I wonder what else there is.
What else there might be.
But maybe there isn’t.
Maybe getting older is just coming to terms with walking home unnoticed.
Getting Older
Definitely feels reflecting back. I personally never realized how much I went out or energy spent until I hit 37. Helps come to terms about what you have now and appreciating the joys that are incoming. Growth 👍
"And I fear what I’ll have to show. If I stay both unknowing and also without." Powerful and relatable!